Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
