this just has baby written all over it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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