Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
