I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
