I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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