i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
