(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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