Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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