so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize