I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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