U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
