I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
