Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my phone needs a breathalizer
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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