I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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