let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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