just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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