Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you never un-have a 4some
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oh god it's open bar.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
