gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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