Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
