Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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