After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
