Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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