am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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