Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
