Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
