im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
