His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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