I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
