I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
