pop tarts are not kleenex
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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