I showed him my bush... on skype.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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