the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Boobs speak an international language.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
