Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
