A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
