he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize