I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
