I wanna passion pit in your ass
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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