fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
