I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
