Small penises have feelings too.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
