She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
