eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
