I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
