I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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