I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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