T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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