Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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