Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize