I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
