I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
