Is it because I queefed?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
