he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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