drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
