why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
