How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
