nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So many bounce houses so little time
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
