If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
