You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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