we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
