Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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