I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
