i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
