Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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