i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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