There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
