We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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