Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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