Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize