sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
