No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
