And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize