you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
