I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
