I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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